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//ReMIX!Cara SQ!/Winni Smith/Hayden Icicle
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| //ReMIX!you should really check out my myspace |
[11 Jul 2006|10:37pm] |
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music |
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99 Luftballoons- Nena |
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<p align="justify><a href=http://www.myspace.com/daydreamishxxvampire/>MySpace</a>. It's where I've been the last few months. What's new in my life? I went to the Bahamas, I got a few new CDs, and I enrolled in college. So basically, nothing. I'm currently reading Dracula by Bram Stoker. I really am more in to my MySpace right now so go there if you miss me. <33
Daydreamishlylylyly,
[cara helen]
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| //ReMIX!half day |
[03 Apr 2006|01:13pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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David Bowie- Magic Dance |
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Weeee, today was a half day. So, let's see, what's been going on recently? Kingdom Hearts Two is out, and yet I still don't own it because my mother has no money. Ugh. I'm watching a lot of movies nowadays, which is rilly weird because I can never sit still long enough to watch them, normally. Nothing extavagent, though, mostly just Star Wars (original trilogy, IF YOU PLEASE), Neverending Story, The Dark Crystal, Labyrinth, that kind of kid junk. In fact, I'm listening to "Magic Dance" right now. ^_^ I <3 that song. Um, nothing else new, I guess. Oh, did I ever mention my mommy went off to basic training and I won't see her for about six months. I'm really depressed right now because of that, because now I'm sor tof parent-less and staying with my wickedannoyingandunnervinglycruel high-strung grandmother. Anything we do my grandmother descends wrathful upon us like an angel of chastisement and decides to yell and make examples out of us. But to whom is she examplifying? That's right, no one! There is no example to make out of us because there are no others to heed from the warning! Alas! Maybe she just enjoys shreiking at us while we hit our heads upon walls? It's mystifying.
Please don't think me ungrateful. Really, I appreciate that she came from her own life of leisurely retirement to ensure that my sister and myself were properly cared for, and normally me saying something against the authority of an adult is uncommon. Bu honsetly, it wo9uld be so much easier on all of us if she could simply be calm and accepting that we happen to be two very hyper kids and we get things done if not twenty minutes early at least within the time frame illustrated as necessary. Also, I'm changing the layout of this journal. And soon. Don't even ask me what it will look like, because I am clueless on this aspect. I've gotta make a nice colour scheeme and stuff, I'm thinking about doing something really simple and div-less this time. But then, where would the fun in that be? ^_^
Well, we'll just see about all of this. All for now.
Daydreamishly, etc.
Cara.
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| //ReMIX!tomorrow |
[23 Mar 2006|08:45pm] |
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 crazy |
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music |
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The Birthday Massacre- Happy Birthday |
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Tomorrow I go on a band trip to Richlands (I think that's where we're going, anyway) to preform in a competition. Wish me luck! I'm nervous, but I think that They Led My Lord Away was better today than it's been in a long time and the March is pretty good too. I dunno 'bout Deerpath, but all our commentors have said it's got the best spirit, so I guess we're doing okay. 5 days 'til KH2! Happiness. I just realized that on that same day my mom leaves for a few months to go to basic training. That's right, I am now a double army brat. I hate my school pictures. I look okay but the backdrop is moronic. Of course, me, being the genius I am, showed up in a black shirt and dark make-up that day, not even realizing that I was wearing all black except for my jeans, and now you can't even see my jeans and I look all weird because I'm on a shoreline background and Holly described me as looking like a "Vampiress at the beach", which is consequently spawning a new co-written story by her and myself.
Also, if anyone has Vanessa Carlton "Harmonium", AFI, Jack's Mannequin, Lola Ray, Alkaline Trio, or The Rasmus "Dead Letters", on CD, I'm looking for any CDs if not otherwise mentioned by them and I don't have money so if anyone I know could burn me a copy I'd love them forever because I won't have any money ofr a long, long time. Actually, if there's any CD in particular you think I should own that you think I probably don't already CD donations are acceptable. ^_^
That's all, I guess, ttyl!
Daydreamishly.
Heh heh. I'm cheating by copying my MySpace entry onto here.
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| //ReMIX!survey |
[22 Feb 2006|08:11pm] |
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amused |
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music |
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Jack's Mannequin- Dark Blue |
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WORLD'S LONGEST SURVEY
some people and their free time..
1.) When showering, do you start the water and then get in or get in and start the water?
Start the water, adjust it, get it in, curse because it's too hot/cold, turn it off, turn it back on and re-adjust it without getting out. Yes, both.
2.) Do you read the labels on your shampoo bottle?
Of course.
3.) Do you moan in the shower like the people on the herbal essence commercial?
No. I'm not paid to shower, they are.
4.) Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex?
Uhm, that would be a no.
5.) Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings?
When I was a little kid.
6.) Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower?
Ew..
7.) Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot?
Yes.
8.) How old do you look?
797, they tell me.
9.) How old do you act?
It varies on whether I'm in a philosophical or hyper mood.
10.) What's the last song you listened to?
Um... *listening to Michelle Branch and decides that's not what I want to put down* *turns song* "Papercut" by Linkin Park.
11.) Have you recently become a member of anything?
....the RHKA?
12.) What are your plans for the weekend?
None yet. It's only Tuesday, jeeze.
13.) Do you kiss with your eyes opened or close?
I don't kiss anyone, there's no one to kiss! o_0 But it would be closed.
14.) Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull?
Nope.
15.) Do you ever intentionally vomit after eating?
EW! NO!
16.) If you were working on a pirate ship, what would you most likely be?
....a pirate?
17.) Have you ever called anyone a slut?
God, yes.
18) Have you ever been called a slut?
I only hope not.
19). Have you ever smuggled something into America?
Not yet. I still have sixty-one years left, though.
20). Does playing the guitar make a girl/guy more hott?
YES.
21). Do you live in a city with a good sports team?
HA!
22). Have you ever finished off the popcorn?
Nope. I don't really like popcorn.
23). How many people do you think would come to your funeral?
42.
24). How many of them would come just to make sure you're dead?
.........42.
25). Do you have more enemies or more friends?
Friends, I think. x_X
26.) Have you ever sent an anonymous letter?
Yes.
27.) Can you fix your own car?
Car?
28.) Have you ever turned someone down for a date?
Yes.
29.) Are you smarter then your friends?
Usually.
30.) Have you ever stolen anything from your friends?
A few pencils that I forgot to return. Oops.
31.) Have you ever been to jail?
...recently? No. XD j/k No I haven't.
32.) Should you have?
Now THAT is debateable.
33) Do you like the smell of beer?
Not really.
34.) Have you ever died or killed someone in a dream?
Yes.
35.) Have you ever given to charity?
Yes.
36.) Would you kill a dog for $1000?
I freak over killing ants, okay? I couldn't do it.
37.) Do you sometimes get depressed?
No.
38.) Do you live with your parents?
My mom.
39.) Do you have plans for your future?
Yes.
X MARKS THE SPOT
You are
[] short, under 5'4
[X]5'4" -5'6"
[ ] 5'7" - 6'0
[ ] tall 6'1 and up
NATURALLY
[ ] blonde
[ ] redhead
[X] brunette
[ ] dirty blonde
[ ] dark brown
[ ] black
[ ] blue-eyed
[ ]brown-eyed
[ ]green-eyed
[X] hazel-eyed
[ ] gold/gray-eyed
[ ] silver/gray- eyed
[ ] blue/green-eyed
[ ] blue/gray-eyed
[X] green/teal/brown-eyed
[X] they change colors in different light
[ ] glasses
[ ] contacts
[ ] BOTH.
[X] neither
[ ] short hair
[X]medium hair
[ ] long hair
Your favorite color(s) are?
[X] red
[ ] khaki
[ ] Aqua
[ ] pink
[X] hot pink
[ ] yellow
[X] black
[X] green
[ ] lime green
[X] blue
[ ] white
[ ] turquoise
[X] silver
[ ] purple
[ ] brown
[ ] orange
[X] gray
[X] maroon
[ ] gold
[ ] teal
[ ] don't really care
[ ] I don't believe in favorite colors
Some things you've done?
[ ] ice skating
[X] hiking
[ ] kayaking
[ ] rafting
[ ] water skiing
[ ] camping
[x] horseback riding
[ ] body/surfing and skim/wake boarding
[ ] snowboarding
[ ] skiing
[ ] dancing
[ ] skateboarding
[ ] cheerleading
[ ] lacrosse
[ ] street hockey
[ ] gymnastics
[X] martial arts
[ ] baton twirling
[X] swimming
Your personality is sometimes...
[X] talkative
[X] shy
[X] funny
[X] serious
[X] laid back
[X] strict
[X] hyper
[X] weird
[X] ditzy
[X] sarcastic
[X] slow
No, I do NOT have a multiple personality disorder.
You can't stand listening to...
[ ] pop
[X] country
[ ] Christian
[ ] classical
[ ] techno
[ ] oldies
[ ] opera
[ ] 80's
[ ] disco
[ ] rap
[ ] classic rock
[ ] punk
[ ] metal
[ ] screamo
[X] reggae
The pets you have had?
[X] cat (s)
[X] dog(s)
[X] lizard
[ ] rat
[ ] ferret(S)
[ ] bunny(S)
[ ] fish
[ ] duck
[ ] horse
[ ] bird
[ ] frog
[ ] hermit crab
[ ] turtle
[X] hamster
[ ] snake
[ ] gerbil
[ ] guinea pig
[ ] pig
[ ] goat
[ ] ostrich
[ ] chinchilla
[ ] tarantula
[ ] geese
[ ] chicken
[ ] hedgehog
[ ] snail
[ ] sugar glider
Clothing Brands you own?
[ ] Delia's
[ ] American Eagle
[ ] Hollister
[ ] Buckle
[ ] Abercrombie
[ ] Express
[ ] Target
[X] Wal-mart!
[ ] Wet Seal
[ ] Forever 21
[ ] O'neil
[ ] Pac Sun
[ ] Gap
[ ] JCrew
[ ] Neiman Marcus
[ ] Bloomingdales
[ ] Nordstrom
[ ] Anthropologie
[ ] Banana Republic
[ ] Aeropostale
[ ] Dickies
[ ] Quicksilver
[ ] Anchor Blue
[ ] Guess
[ ] Lucky
[ ] Champs
[ ] Salvation army/goodwill/VALUE WORLD.
[ ] old navy
[X] ANY designer
[ ] Victorias secret
[X] whatever is at the thrift store
[ ] Eddie Bauer
[X] Hot Topic!
[ ] Anything
[ ] Alloy
[ ] RAVE!
[X] Other
Shoe Brands You Own?
[X]Flip-Flops
[ ] Nike
[ ] Adidas
[ ] reebok
[ ] Billabong
[ ] Roxy
[ ] Puma
[ ] Jack purcells
[ ] uggs
[ ] BCBG
[ ] Birkenstocks
[ ] Etnies
[ ] Reefs
[X] Converse
[ ] K Swiss
[ ] Adio
[ ] DC
[ ] Steve Madden
[ ] Vans
[X] if i like something alot ill buy it
[ ] New Balance
[ ] LEI
[ ] Payless
[ ] DVS
[ ] Emerica's
[ ] Rainbows
Your confessions:
[ ] im afraid of the quiet
[X] I am really ticklish
[ ] I'm afraid of the dark if im alone
[X] I've collected comic books (manga, really but still)
[X]I shut others out when I'm mad
[ ] I open up to others easily
[X]I read the newspaper
[ ] I love Disney movies
[X] I am a sucker for eyes
[X] I don't kill bugs
[X] I have "x"s in my screen name
[ ] I bake well
[ ] I have worn pajamas to class
[ ] I love Martha Stewart
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS
[ ] I am self-concious
[X] I love to laugh
[ ] I drink alcohol on a regular basis
[ ] I smoke cigarettes
[X] I can't swallow pills
[ ] I bite my nails
[ ] I play computer games when I'm bored
[ ] I've gotten lost in the city
[X] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[ ] Made out in an elevator
[ ] Been skydiving
[ ] Been bungee jumping
[X] Bitten someone
[ ] Dressed up like the opposite sex
[ ] I've egged a house/car
[ ] Smashed into a car
[ ] Been fired
[ ] Been skinny dipping
Have you ever...
[X]danced in the rain
[ ] Seen a shooting star
[ ] proposed to anyone
[X] Gotten stitches
[ ] Eaten Sushi
[ ]Gotten the chicken pox
[ ] Ridden in a taxi..
[X] Been on a cruise ship
[X] Driven over 400 miles in one day
[ ] Been on a plane by yourself
[X] Had surgery
[ ] seen a movie more than 3 times in the theater
[X] been on stage
[ ] peed somewhere other than a toilet
[ ] gotten a black eye
[X] memorized all the dialogue in a movie
[ ] watched an entire baseball game
Do you like...
[X] old movies
[X] musicals
[X] blasting music in your car
[X] foreign foods
[X] anime
[X] Christmas time
[X] donuts
[X] animals
[X] coffee
[X] tea
TWO'S OF EVERY KIND
Two Names You Go By Other Than Your Real Name
1. Winnifred Smith
2. Hayden Icicle
Two Things That Scare You
1. Infinity
2. Nothingness
Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. Music
2. Books
Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Jeans
2. SOCKS!
Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. Writing
2. Music
Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. Be a published author
2. Money
2 Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. New York
2. That one place Mimi lives XD
Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Fall in love
2. Get published
Two Things You Are Thinking About Now
1. Why am I bothering with this, again?
2. I need toe socks.
Two Stores You Shop At
1. Hot Topic
2. Wal*Mart
Two people I haven't talked to in a while
1. Shelly
2. Justin
Two Reasons ur doing this survey
1. Because I'm a dork.
2. Because I'm an uber-dork.
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| //ReMIX!the article |
[16 Feb 2006|09:04pm] |
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Blue Oyster Cult- Don't Fear the Reaper |
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EXPERTS CLAIM “ANGST NO LONGER IMPRESSIVE”
Article by C. H. Eskew
Remember the last time you cut yourself? Cried to sleep? Threatened to kill your self in poetry? Recent reports from trendsetters across the nation have declared the ruin of much of today’s “emo” generation: Angst is no longer impressive.
“Angst has been stereo-typing teenagers for generations,” expert W. L. Smith declares at a private conference in a small town in Virginia on Thursday. “It’s always the same story, ‘Oh my God, no one understands me!’ It’s finally gotten old, and we won’t stand for it anymore. Angst is officially un-cool.”
But will this stand for originality prevail, or worsen the problem at hand?
“I used to only be sad all the time, but the anti-angst movement has driven me to start cutting myself!” noted teen-angst supporter Dee Prest wails. “Now not only am I depressed, it’s depressing to be depressed!”
So who started this nation-wide revolution? Tracking was difficult, but the first reported rebellion is described in a small town newspaper, in a location we’ve been asked not to disclose. Random Hyper Kid the Second, the leader of the original movement, was unable to appear for commenting. We got a word with some of her followers instead.
“RHK2’s movement has given a lot of us hope that maybe one day we can go to school without hearing someone crying in the restroom stalls,” a girl who calls herself RHK797 says appreciatively.
“It did affect the Association’s member count,” confesses RHK13, referring to the Random Hyper Kid Association, RHK2’s cult-like following. “A lot of people quit because they were Wannabe Anti-Christs or something. A few people joined, though. We’re pretty much at the same status we’ve always been.”
There are, of course, rebels to the rebellion.
“We aren’t going to quit cutting just because a few preps tell us to stop,” Holly “Hippo” Critt writes. “My best friend Sterry O’Type and I have been faithfully pledging our lives to depression for the last four years, since the day I turned twelve, and we aren’t going to quit now. I even cut into the inside of my left elbow “WE WILL NOT STOP” to prove my point. Why carve it there? It was, like, the only place on my body that wasn’t all scarred.”
Who will win? Well, the outlook is that things won’t change much in a big hurry. After all, you can take the teen away from the suicidal tendencies, but you can’t take the suicidal tendencies out of the teen. But maybe if everyone would just observe how truly, incredibly ridiculous hurting yourself or threatening people just to get attention or being over-dramatic because it’s a bit different is, then we could stop the madness and bring about a new era. –Thu., Feb. 16, 2006
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| //ReMIX!survey |
[11 Feb 2006|05:41pm] |
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Hikaru Utada-Simple and Clean |
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| //ReMIX!another coded message from Mimi |
[11 Feb 2006|12:09pm] |
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Cara Eskew- Dementedly: The Three-Staff ReMIX! |
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Mimi has sent me another message that seems to be in code... Very cryptic...
The e-mail:
winniwriteswell@yahoo.com (this was a link to e-mail myself)
N2m, just being bored with myspace surveys
you spelled it wrong
J t'ame
Green Jello
o_O;
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| //ReMIX!the dream... |
[09 Feb 2006|08:57pm] |
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happy |
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No Doubt- Hella Good |
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Mimi (8:52 PM): OMG I had a dream about u last night! Cara (8:52 PM): Really? Was I wearing socks? Sorry, I just thought that was funny. Nothing new here, except I'm feeling sort of pround of myself for talking to a certain someone as though I never asked him out today. Lol, I'm so pathetic. Here's my new composition. I like it even better than Daydreamishly. I am reading a book with a whole bunch of Vampire short stories. <3 I'm also in an artistic mood, I've drawn several masterpeices in Holly's notebook and a few in Sally's notebook so far. Let's see, there was one with the faery princess with a pet dragon and the happy thunder cloud and the rainbow and the stars, and then the one of sally as a faery princess with aminals, and then the one of the Earth, Venus, Mercury, a part of that HUGE sun thing, and Mars (not in that order), and some stars, and then an incomplete ocean picture with a shark and a dolphin and a few fish. And I drew Holly as the Queen of England, and Me as... well, me. But the self-portarait is as of yet incomplete. In other news, I challenged my way up to second chair in band (sorry Rachael and Kirstie! You know I love you, just not enough to let you keep your chairs. lol) and that makes me happyful, which, incidentally, YES, IS A WORD SINCE I SAY SO! I've been working all night on setting up Mimi with her crazy ex-boyfriend John, who she had to break up woth in the first place because her mother is a weird racist person and whatnot, but whatever. THat's about it! Daydreamishly! Cara |
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| //ReM--ah, forget it. |
[04 Feb 2006|01:26pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Ayumi Hamasaki-I Am... |
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BORED.
No rants to write.
Nobdy to talk to.
Nothing to read.
*bangs head on desk*
And God help us all, it's raining.
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| //ReMIX!new rant |
[01 Feb 2006|04:47pm] |
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mood |
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Linkin Park- Papercut |
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I thought that one of my infamous Carants (Cara+rant=Carant) was overdue, and especially after Mimi published a new one to her journal (that mimicks a LOT of what I preach except with a more "hi I'm misunderstood and you suck" dort of feel -_-', btw...) I was left feeling very unproductive. So here I bring you the latest of Cara's ramblings: "Don't Tell Me" (Hey, I gave it a title!) (Ugh, I just realized ity has the same title as one of Avril Lavigne's songs. Oops.
Ghosts. Spirits. Fae. Vampires.
These are a few of the things modern day society has told us to deny the possibility of existence. You know what? Screw scientific fact. Proof? We don't need it. I can't take this anymore. A hypocritical world where stereotypes prevail EVEN in belief systems. Why? Why are all witches suddenly evil, and all gods suddenly pure? Isn't it true that much of witchcraft is actually about defending? And that the Christian God murdered thousands of innocent Egyptian first-borns? Why stereotype fae to be flitty little Tinkerbells with good-at-heart, nature-living souls? Why stereoype Vampires as evil? Why stereotype all of these things as mythical in the first place?
Because we are afraid. The human mind, as I've said so many times before, is most afraid of what it cannot understand. We are not vampires, we are not ghosts, therefore we fear them with unwarranted terror. We fear death. We fear the very concept of infinity when we think too closely. It is natural and inevitable. But why must must hatred accompany this fear, or in some cases blind trust?
Don't tell me that when a tree falls in the middle of a forest, it still makes a sound. Don't tell me that breaking a mirror will not give me seven years of bad luck. Do not tell me to ignore superstition. Do not tell me that wishing on stars is a waste of time. Do not tell me that there is nothing aafter death. Do not tell me that the only way is God's way or the path of science. At least, not if you want me to keep quiet.
And you know what? You shouldn't keep quiet either. All around you these people are suppressing their original thoughts in favor of their religion or of popular belief, and ot's sickening. Who says that there's only one right? If there can be a thousand wrong answers, who's to say there aren't as many oppurtunities to be correct? Why does everyone have to abide by their forefathers' law, and not by their own (so long as it is good an pure by nature)? Why do people accept or deny without a second thought? Why the hell is no one asking any questions? Is this truly lack of original thought or lack of the couragwe to express it? Either way, we are slowly being damned to being our own worst enemy: a world with total control over religion, speech, and everything besides. Break from the herd. Believe in ghosts, if it's what you truly want to believe. Or remain faithful Christain, as long as it's what YOU believe and not just what your parents believe.
Whatever you do, just don't tell me that those trees will echo if no ears can hear them. Those things fantastical are not necessarily devoid of reality.
Okay, so it's not one of my better ones. But it still carries my point across, well, at least sort of. So yeah. Daydreamishly, and whatnot.
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| //ReMIX!apparently, my earrings were cool. x_X'' |
[31 Jan 2006|09:49pm] |
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mood |
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hyper |
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music |
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My Chemical Romance- Our Lady of Sorrows |
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Around fifty or so people commented on my uber-cool earrings today. LOL, yesh, I know kids, they are teh awesomeness, that's why I bought 'em. LOL. Bored bored bored bored bored. La la la la. Talked to Mimi and was psycho with her for a few hours and also got to talk to OMG JOHN her ex(who I want her to ge back together with because the only reason they broke up was 'cause of her prejudiced family I mean *coughcough* her sweet and caring parents but anyway) who was bemuse by my psychotic hyperness, and let's see I talked to my friend who I hadn't talked to in FOREVER because I don't get on AIM very much anymore and I want it to snow and that's just to freaking bad 'cause weather hates me and oh my god I can't stop this sentence because I'm Pixy Stix hyper and I forgot how to press that little dot that goes at the end of a sentence and now we will drown and die because of my pixy-stix-induced craziness trying to read this entire senetence but by the time its done we might very well be dead and omg make the madness end I'm way too hyper and now my hand is starting to hurt because I've been typing too fast for to long and I really want to stop this sentence but *dies*
Okay there we go.
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| //ReMIX!bored |
[30 Jan 2006|05:53pm] |
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Do As Infinity- Another |
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Live is, as usual, one big boring affair. I had to do my monologue for Drama today and my mom accidentally threw it away not knowing hat it was Friday so I didn't get to see it at all that weekend and I got the book to study for about three minutes from Ms. Thompson, but unfortunately this did not prevent me being all nervous-wreckified. I really normally do well with public speaking but my monologue was long and I hadn't memorized all of it so I ended up skipping a lot and asking for a lot of cues. It was embarassing. Anyway, what else is there? I'm going to work on my site for a while today, put up some of my stories. I might even write a little bit about my storyverse, Callellac (Kay-leh-lake), and put up a few of my in-progress works. All depends on how dedicated I feel. So today is mostly about reading, writing, and working on meh webby. Love and stuff.
Daydreamishly,
[cara helen]
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| //ReMIX!over-dramatic |
[27 Jan 2006|06:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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thankful |
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music |
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Evanescence- Taking Over Me |
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I realize what an over-dramatic fool I can be sometimes. I apologize. I try to be mature but too oft I let my emotions control me. Unfortunately, though I know I am being over-dramatic, I do nothing to control myself. I guess reading Sense and Sensibility has not had much of an effect on me. But I guess I'll work on that. Today I took a step. I went from "Life could always be worse" to "Life is good". I've always found Life to have a cruel sense of humor. I still believe that. Where I have changed is my perspective on this. Before, I thought you should get the best of Life, not let it turn you into a dumbstruck idiot, be in charge. But now I think that stuff happens that you can't always predict,a nd you can't manipulate everything. So now I think that while you should still have a sense of self-importance and try hard to make your Life work out, I also think you should learn to laugh along side of Life, in all of it's cruel irony. I've been very annoying to myself the last few days. For the last few months, I';ve been over-dramatic, eager for approval, and very defensive. To anyone who I've directed any of this, for there may be many people, because most of this has been sub-conscious, I apologize. And here's what I'm doing to make it up to you, and myself. Therefore, I am proud to present Cara's Notes To Self (And Anyone Else Who Needs It).
1. Drama is a pointless way of making yourself and others miserable. Don't create it; don't exaggerate it. People have problems of their own and wanting them to worry about you does no one any good. Suck it up and move on. I'm not saying venting on someone close is a bad idea, but if you (like me) decide to write long paragraphs on the Woes of Me, then don't.
2. Don't try so hard to be liked. You have a groove of your own. I think it's most important to look like you, and not like you trying to look like them. I know this sounds clichéd, but it's the truth. I see a lot of this, and not just in myself.
3. Don't expect people to say the exact right thing all the time. Ity isn't worth the dissapointment. People can't read minds, and even if they could (though sometimes it might not seem like it) honesty is what you need to hear.
4. Don't get mad at people who are in a bad mood/who refuse to be polite. I've done a lot of this. It's just, I try to apologize whenever I know I'm wrong (I mean, when I'm not just kidding), and I try my hardest to always be curteous unless I'm completely at ease with a person and I know they won't care. But sometimes even I slip and offend a person, and it would be hypocritical of me to accuse others when I am not exactly the epitome of perfection right now.
5. Don't be so defensive. Seriously, they usually don't aim to offend. I do this a lot as a natural defense, and thias will probably be the one thing if anything that I'll just give up on and drop from the list. The problem is, I'm a little too good at it, and usually the other person ends up in a corner somewhere crying and I'm still swearing under my breath and nothing has been achieved, It's a talent sometimes that I'm sort of proud of, but it can also be humiliating. I want to take a minute to think from now on, and if it's really something they meant ask them to apologize before inducing tear flows.
I want to be a good person. I know it just takes work. I'll figure it out someday. Actually, I'm sort of happy with who I am. I'd rather be me than anyone else, without a doubt. I am sort of ashamed of who I've become, though. The divorce is what triggered a lot of this. It's not their fault, I know, it's mine for letting myself react to it this way. I'm going to be a better person though, nopt a worse one, as a result of it. Realization is the first step, after all.
So I guess the little step I took was towards a better me. Everything could be worse. I am so blessed, so lucky. I've been preaching this for months now, to appear, at the very least, to be a good person, but there was always this teeny tiny part that disagreed with the vast amjority of me, and it's time I reformed that little part into a model citizen. So this is me, being all epiphanous. Love you all.
Daydreamishly,
[cara helen]
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| //ReMIX!and these truths we hold to be self-evident |
[25 Jan 2006|07:17pm] |
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mood |
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 Daydreamish |
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music |
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Blue Oyster Cult- Don't Fear the Reaper |
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Pretending is pointless. Wishing will only cause the pain of the realization that you can never own that instant in time. Wondering what I'm talking about will be your demise. I am what they like to call weird. I don't like to call it that. I like to call it Daydreamish. And at the end of the day when vampires have lost their thirsts and music has lost it's refinement, I am the one who will be left standing. I drive on and pretend to laugh as you pass by. I wonder if it's just me or you are glancing my way, gaging my reaction to your proximity. I would be trying to do that if I were passing, but then again, I would never be the one passing by. I stick to my side of the line, and you stick to yours. I'm not sure if we shall ever meet in the middle again. I broke this thing that resembled friendship with awkward admissions and questions that were denied. I cannot regret it. I do not regret it. If young love was waiting, and even if it wasn't, it was my duty to give it the chance it deserves. I am not hurt and neither are you. We are our own entities. You are a boy. I am Daydreamish.
Daydreamishly,
[cara helen]
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| //ReMIX!what's up |
[24 Jan 2006|06:07pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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Do As Infinity- Kouzou Kaikaku |
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Hey. My mom woke up really late this morning and therefore woke me up really late and so I didn't go to school. Yay. Um, nothing else new. I wish life wasn't so boring, I'd like very much to be able to write a small novel here depicting my adevtures or what have you, but life is very monotonous at the moment. Hugs to all of my fan base.
Daydreamishly.
Cara.
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| //ReMIX!I'M A COMPOSER! |
[21 Jan 2006|09:00pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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music |
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Cara Eskew- Dayreamishly |
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I wrote all of this, bass clef, treble, rhythyms, notes, dynamics, all of it. It sucks as far as compositions go, but as far as first-time-compositions go I'm pretty proud of myself, lol. There are parts that don't flow as well asI'd hoped because I realized I had a couple of errors as far as correct beats per measure goes when I added the bass clef stuff so there are some extra rests and stuff I'm not too happy with that are there to cover up the difference between what I had and what I needed so anyway. It's called "Daydreamishly", and actually, I took a pretty long time to think that up. ^_^; Anyway, go ahead, right click, Save Target As, Okay, *download download download*, listen, enjoy the amateur-ness! And, btw, that's not me playing the flute, that's the cool instrument patch I've put on the midi since none of the pianos would hold a fucking whole note. >_< Enough ranting. DOWNLOAD TEH DAYDREAMISHLYNESS! Daydreamishly by Cara. Daydreamishly yours, [cara helen] |
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| //ReMIX!oy vey turned down again... |
[19 Jan 2006|05:41pm] |
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mood |
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 rejected |
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music |
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Fall Out Boy- Sophmore Slump or Comeback of the Year |
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Today is a sad, sad day. It is the day that Cara once more decinds to the Legions of the Lonely. In other words, haha I got rejected by the guy I like. Oh well. It doesn't matter, I'm fine with it. No, seriously, I am. Quit being doubtful. If you don't believe me, ask the flute section. I was fine all throughout band practice which was right after the fact. I woke up this morning and was exhausted, so I got dressed all pretty to occupy my time so I wouldn't go back to sleep, and then when I went to school I decided it was time to end this thing, one way or another. Well, it turned out another, and now I'm feeling a little confused, maybe a little annoyed that I was branded unsuitable before I even got a chance to prove myself, but otherwise fine. I don't even know if I still like him. I guess I do. I'll get over him, though. Like I said, I was expecting this, so it was no big deal. Maybe one day he'll change my mind. I dunno. I probably better not get my hopes up. *shrug* All for now, I guess.
Daydreamishly yours (oh, but not his >_<'),
[cara helen]
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| //ReMIX!closed! |
[18 Jan 2006|10:20am] |
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mood |
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bored |
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music |
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Depeche Mode- A Pain That I'm Used To |
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School is closed, and I'm messing around with meh Adobe Photoshop. I already heart'ems meh Adobe Photoshop, but I'm going to try a couple of different programs before I decide. Now I am bored. Hm. I need Pixy Stix. I've gone for a few days without Pixy Stix and I can feel my blood start to slow in my veins. It isn't a pleasant feeling. So today I plan to lounge around with my frozen-blood-veins and whatnot. Okay. So, yeah.
Daydreamishly yours and all that jazz.
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| //ReMIX!stuff |
[17 Jan 2006|07:39pm] |
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mood |
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 nervous |
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music |
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Depeche Mode- Precious |
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Alright. Here's my life.
I'm going to go ahead and reveal who I like, since I forgot to mention a few posts back even though I knew that he isn't with his girlfirend anymore. Haha look at me I like Thomas Sorrels. I'm going to ask him out sometime probably soon and I'm already in pre-consoling mode for when he turns me down. I knwo, this is weird because all these years I haven't liked him and now suddenly I do. I wish I had listened to people, but I was too obsessed with Justin Hubbard in our grade (oh yeah I used to like hime from beginning of the last semester of fifth grade to the end of the first semester of eighth grade and I was obsessed with him and don't ask me why I don't even know anymore) to notice him I guess. So, um, here goes nothing? Lol, I guess I shouldn't hope for too much. Even if he does say yes (which he won't) we won't last outside of highschool anyway. I mean, come on. Do you know ANYONE who ended up with their high school sweetheart? I read the percentage a few years ago but I've forgotten it now, but it was less than fifteen percent.
Moving on. I'm sooo anting to get that collection of the best of David Bowie songs that they have at Wal*Mart. But I am broke. *sad cries*
Nothing else new. Buhbye.
Daydreamishly and stuff.
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cara_helen's journal